While traveling on a train another day, I had a deja-vu and a momentary non-belongingness. It wasn’t that I was alone, my family was with me, and yet I felt as if my soul is wandering. Wandering into times of the past, times in which I had lived, seen, and felt. As if the time was moving in front of me and I could see it changing from my past to the present. It was difficult to differentiate between the two since I, the one who is feeling the emotions, is one and the same.
I was the collection of all fleeting moments and I was the one with hopes for the future. I was the person who was there in my ruins and I was the one who stood up and built anew. I was in all the places I had lived, visited, and felt belonged to, and I was the one who felt free, free from all bonds. I was nothing but a passing time, and yet, I was holding onto each moment.
So much to feel in a blink of an eye, has that ever happened to you?! Sometimes I feel myself to be a complex yarn, which has layers and layers, mostly unknown to me. And yet to be discovered. And at other times, it feels so easy to be with me. Guess growing up is an adventure in itself. At times I have a hard time recalling segments from my past, and I wonder about all those days I had enjoyed, lived, where have they gone? All those memories should be with me right?!
I have forgotten so much already, and perhaps what am living today will also be forgotten one day. And that scares me. My time right now, which is mine, my life right now, which is totally mine, one day it will be just a memory that I may not be even able to recollect. It's odd to think that I am so temporary in this passing time and yet I can feel everything in this very moment.
A blurred moment — that is what our lives become at the end. A life that only you can live for yourself. A life that is worth everything. A moment that deserves all your attention because this moment will never be again yours, it will be just a tiny record in the back of your mind. And well be discarded in some time. Hence I ask myself. I ask myself to make the most of this very moment, it’s a gift. I will never get to live it again.
